Grace During Growth

2022 has been off to a challenging start

Here’s the gist

Work Life: I had 10 days off of work, it was needed! I have been feeling so burnt out, if you don’t know I am the operations and marketing manager for a physical therapy clinic. I absolutely love my job but in the last year my boss was out of the office on maternity leave for about 6 months, we moved locations, hired 2 new employees and a third this week. I was so excited to have a break and reset my routines and set myself up for a great new year. Insert snow storm. I was at my families house for 5 days which of course I love my family but it didn’t allow me to follow my routine and I started feeling more overwhelmed. Because of my role I’m not able to take vacations since the boss is out of the office so this felt like my only opportunity to relax. Especially since I knew we were hiring a new employee this first week of the new year so I would be needed in the office for the foreseeable future.

Health: I had to undergo a second surgery for my thyroid in September. I had half of it removed in 2020 and found out it was stage 1 cancer, I had to advocate to get the first surgery in the first place and had requested to get it all removed in 2020 because of my family history, my mom had 3 different types of cancer and passed away in 2020. But because of my age they refused. Fast forward exactly 1 year to sept of 2021 they saw a mass on the remaining side and encouraged me to get another surgery. This healing process the second time around is far worse than the first time, the excess scar tissue causes severe neck pain and the thyroid medications have horrible side effects like depression, weight gain, erratic behavior, insomnia, brain fog etc. So I have not been feeling like myself and it’s been getting progressively worse.

Mental health: My work life and physical health along with the grief from losing my mom 2 years ago on January 16th and the stress of living through a pandemic as a single person has been weighing on me.

Finances: This week my car broke down and for context this is a car I got for free and it has been doing great for over a year the estimate is over $1500 to fix along with medical bills, student loans, rent, regular bills etc I’m feeling the strain.

My Response To Challenges

In my early 20’s all of these events and challenges would have led me to binge drink, I would be stuck in a negative mindset I would feel hopeless and worried. I would lose sleep and let it effect my mood everyday.

Instead I am focusing on what I can control, every morning I’m getting up and getting ready, grabbing a coffee, blogging or listening to a meditation on the train. Putting that pent up energy into my work and planning. I like to pay my bills always on time but if necessary I can move some around, I can cancel subscriptions and change my spending habits. But I always come from a mindset of abundance I can always make more money and I have everything I need. This keeps me out of a stress response.

At the end of the night I

  • take a hot shower
  • smudge my apartment
  • light candles
  • take vitamin D
  • hydrate
  • make a cup of hot tea.
  • do skincare
  • Eat fruit
  • Journal

Having a nighttime routine helps me unwind and not stew on negative thoughts. I also will always treat myself to coffee because I deserve it. If I had a friend that I knew was dealing with everything I am I would buy them a coffee it’s my love language and I love myself. I don’t believe in denying myself small pleasures in life especially when I’m going through a stressful season because that just increases the energy of lack. I also wear comfortable clothes in these seasons it helps me stay relaxed.

I also nourish my body so I’m not talking about green juices or anything like that. I pack lots of fruit to take to work, I eat trail mix or crackers and hummus. I make soups or grain bowls for dinner. These foods don’t make me feel run down or low energy after I eat them like when I eat fast food. My entire goal when dealing with stress is to raise my vibration not smother it with low nutrient food, alcohol or substances, because I done that an know first hand that it prolongs your suffering.

Mentally I take a step back I avoid getting emotional and decide what the best next step would be sometimes I have to sleep on it, sometimes I make the logical decision regardless of my fear. Like with my surgeries I know that cancer runs in my family and that it can easily travel to lymph nodes so without hesitation I scheduled my surgery I insisted on it and was right. I had never had a surgery in my life and my doctor didn’t feel it was necessary because of my age but I knew how I felt and what the outcome could be and made a choice based on that.

I share all of this because life is not a highlight reel it comes with a lot of what in the actual fuck moments it comes with devastation and grief, sadness and stress but all of it is life. All of it is part of the experience trying to avoid all negative things in life isn’t possible and when they happen to you and no one else talks about theirs it can feel really isolating.

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